I think it really does take me a while after work comes out of the kiln to know what I like.
It is the strangest thing. I have heard it from a zillion ceramic artists and it continues to perplex me.
I pull the work out and I feel ...UGH...
This is not right. That is not right...
And then I come back to them and with a different eye....
I think... OH... I kind of like that... Not EVERY piece... but many.
A little hard because these are time consuming... all because I wanted to emphasize
the PROCESS as the part I enjoyed participating in... the carving, the manipulating...
So, when they crash and burn... WELL...
It's a tough experience for me because it is a bit of a roller coaster.
And frankly, not the healthiest ride for me.
That said, I keep FIGHTING the JOURNEY of it all.
And really, I CRAVE the JOURNEY at the same time.
Sort of a dichotomy and also the STORY of MY LIFE.
I get rather bored? Or jumpy... ready to try something new.
Particularly lately...
The important relationships in my life,I don't jump in and out of it...
And I don't really jump in and out of clay...
I get INSPIRED... Try this, try that.
It gets me scared and frazzled.
Scattered.
And yet... I am really looking for a cozy lovey feeling...
A safe place to fall ?
And then I think... If you find that, if you don't push the boundaries...
the abilities of clay and glaze and firing(with in an electric kiln????),
won't you just tire of it and move on to something else....
Perhaps my crisis is my struggle to accept who and how I am.
Perhaps I just need to wait and embrace those things that GET this part of me.
Rather then shove it all into a pretty package and box
that will position me to get me into a trade show.
I struggle with this. I don't know WHY I STRUGGLE WITH THIS.
THERE ARE MUCH BIGGER ISSUES IN THE WORLD TO STRUGGLE WITH.
I GET THAT. At times I think I should leave my art behind and put my energy into
struggling with those MUCH BIGGER ISSUES IN THE WORLD.
BUT the art pulls me back... my inner world and struggle and
desire for it to be "heard"...HAS A TIGHT GRIP ON ME.
And so I continue. I would just like to find more ZEN in it all...
Not necessarily WORKING with the CLAY. I find the ZEN and PRESENCE
when I work with the clay... It's all the other stuff that confuses me as to
WHAT IT"S ALL ABOUT.
If you see my work change and change again...
Just know:
My MUSE is messing with me...
I am doing my best to follow her and see where she is headed
and if she brings me right back to where I was...
Well, That is OK too.
